1700 Got Soul Man?

For the 700th edition of MySpace writing I ought to try and say something of substance although with a clear blue sky for the second day in succession I am in a holiday mood. For a little enthusiasm I listened to a previous edition of In our Time first broadcast on June 2nd 2002 in which Lord Bragg introduced the subject of the soul and the history of thinking about the concept with Richard Sorabji, Professor of Rhetoric at Gresham College, Ruth Padel, poet and author of In and Out of the Mind: Tragic Images of Self and Body and Martin Palmer, Theologian and Director of the International Consultancy on Religion, Education and Culture. My first thought is that the three programmes listened to all had two male speakers and one female which with a male chairman results in a three to one ratio. I shall have to investigate the sexual physiology of the programme production team if this is disclosed. The programme last week was the development of suffragism, a BBC word, where the three contributors were female this demonstrating that a sample of three programmes from three hundred is not a good one for making a generalization.

The programme about the soul showed something of the development of the concept from the fluid multi dimensional approach of the Chinese to Greek and Roman Thinkers, then the early Christian changes to the approach of Judaism, through to some more contemporary thinking.

It struck me that most of the historical thinkers were governed by their ignorance human physiology and biology. They wanted to describe the inner voice and imagery and wondered if it was particular to human beings, or if other creatures and growing things who had not developed the ability to communicate using human forms had similar experience. It was also natural to speculate what happened to the inner voice and vision with death, given what happens when we wake from sleep and to this process also has to be considered now in terms of the knowledge of nature, of space and time and timeless and endless universe.

The programme divided previous thinkers into those who view soul as a migrating experience separate from individual physical bodies and where it progresses, snakes and ladders, fashion between levels of human experience according to the quality of life and behaviour of the last being.

Then with Christianity as an inducement for believers to live good lives regardless of their social position, wealth, power, physical health and so on, the concept and what happens to the soul became fixed on how one’s lifetime body lived, so if the life was a good Christian one, the soul with its recognisable individuality, moved onto heaven or hell, or somewhere temporarily in between until the final judgement day. God, not ourselves, or our contemporaries was the judge of what happens to our soul but we could affect the outcome by being genuinely penitent about our sins and trying to lead better lives than before.

Along side these two comparatively simple concepts were the Chinese and others who combined and extended the two viewpoints into a multidimensional concept in full colour and high definition.

For me there are technical issues defining the moment when self conscious and unconscious imagery and thought end while aspects of the physical body continue and vice versa especially the point at which physical and mental pain ends. We know that we pass own our individual signatures through DNA and that this includes aspects of our physiological and psychological make up also including, in my view, memory.

My conclusion, to-date, is that we pass on more of ourselves and of our ancestors through the creation of new life, especially between mother and child, than we still understand or are willing to understand and that everything we do and say continues to exist within the totality that is the universe, and this is not just through the retained works of some individuals or relayed stories about them but the actual experiences as they occurred. This is also not just a processes of logic, of reasoning, that if the universe is endless and timeless then there will always be the capacity to watch or just listen to what has been as well to what is now, but that everything continues to be although everything is always in the process of change as well as our appreciation, our interpretation and understanding

I was up early this morning although went to bed and sleep in the early hours. The night was Ok but disjointed. I treated myself to a Bacon Roll at the Ship and Royal taking the long way round via the post box to renew my travel card for using the Metro train system, although I used it little last year. As I am at the cricket for a stretch of four days, weather permitting, and the match lasting and being of interest, I resisted the temptation to go out and enjoy the sun although I also knew that my work output was likely to be limited.

Billie Holiday A to Z Volume 1
Georgia on my mind
Solitude
Dreams of Life
Your are going to see a lot of me
Sugar
I cried for you

It is first day of political programmes after the Easter break and where the four main topics are continuing alongside speculation about the budget. G20 Policing, Political Dirty Tricks, Arrest of Conservative Shadow Minister and office raid and the expenses of Member’s of Parliament.

It is generally agreed that the discovered dirty tricks smear campaign was symptomatic of the Brown approach to politics and he is condemned accordingly. The damage limitation people, Neil Kinnock on Sunday, argue that the nature of what one is required to do and the nature of the political system is such that you cannot protect yourself from colleagues who are damaging to ones political future, to the country and to the Political party. This is unmitigated codswallop.

Andrew Neil or his advisers were caught suggesting that the public was prepared and would accept that getting out of the present mess created by bankers and governments involved cuts in public service expenditure, and higher taxes because everyone had been excessive in their borrowing and failure to save. This is even more codswallop, trying to blame what has happened elsewhere or skipping over the excessive differential changes of the past decade between the incomes of the rich and the poor. The Labour Party will be humiliated at the next election unless several real rabbits can be pulled out of the hat or rescued from the fire. Telling the truth as it is will help but deflecting attention to what happened at the FA Cup semi Final at Hillsborough twenty years ago or the actions of individual police during G20 will not work.

Lover Man
All of Me
Guilty
Born to Love
No more
I cover the waterfront

I need to check my electricity gas account and phone bills as part of the annual financial affairs sort out and arrange to have a water meter installed. Apparently 1 in 3 of bills/ assessments of electricity and gas are inaccurate. The Mail had an article giving he impression that the government was about to change the ability of Councils to spy on residents suspected of breaking local rules and minor social offending. Read the article and you find there is consultation about making changes to limit the powers. Such a process take months or years which means nothing will happen before the next General Election which means nothing will happen until sometime in the future something happens to remind everyone of the position and the public get behind a campaign.

There was an interesting example of how six families were able to beat NIBY over the holiday. They secretly bought a three acre field for £130000 and then moved in after laying 1000 tons of hard core to create hard standing for their caravan homes and motor vehicles. They had diggers ans 50 large lorries brought in the stuff. The whole thing was done in three days to the horror of local residents and planning officials.

As time goes by
How am I to know
That’s life I guess
Body and soul
Having myself a time
Weep no more

In today’s Indian Premier League match Kevin Petersen’s side faced Andrew Flintoff’s who were asked to bat first and scored 179 runs in a 20 over game is an extraordinary total. The game was won in the first overs with a masterful innings by former Australian batsman Mathew Hayden who was run out when 65 and looking as if he would score a hundred. The key to these matches is having top class spin bowlers and how the batsmen are able to play spin. This was Durham’s undoing last year in the semi final. Flintoff was not out for 22. Peterson bowled 3 overs for 14 runs and on wicket. His side then made a disastrous start losing the first wicket before any score was recorded and then the second at 40, third at 47 with Petersen out 2 balls later to Muralitheran in his first over and the gained a second wicket to make it 50 for 5, 66 for 6 and then 7, 74 for 8 79 for 9 and a humiliating 87 all out. Flintoff also had three over and took one wick for 11 runs so with Petersen out for 0 it must be said that Flintoff won this duel although the match was won and lost by others.

No regrets
Easy to Love
Billie’s Blues
Pennies from Heaven.

I thought the twelfth episode of the fifth season of Lost was excellent and reminded the limitations of the openings sequences to this series which is now drawing to its end. The battle of wills between Ben and Locke for supremacy on the Island continued. Locke appears to know who is the real boss despite being murdered by Ben and brought back in the plane in a casket. This resurrection has led to several witty lines.

Previously Ben had been knocked out by Sun before he could leave with her for the main Island having shown her the boats. On getting to the island she realises that the others on the plane have been put back in time to 1977 and that Locke is the key to be able to link with 1977 and her husband who she now knows is not dead. In this episode Ben recovers to be greeted by Locke which is an interesting experience. He admits that he is surprised that the Island was able to resurrect from the dead. Locke informs Ben that he must return to the main Island to be judged by its force, especially for turning his back on his “ daughter” who is killed. In flashbacks we learn that Charles Widmore, Penny’s father had warned Ben that the “ daughter” had to die for things to work out as they should.

On the main Island Sun joins forces with Locke who insists that Ben accompanies them to the Temple of “the others“, alternative inhabitant to the Dharma Initiative. Here in an underground area Ben encounters the presence of the Island which he has earlier unlocked or unleashed. He is confronted by an image of his daughter who warns him that his salvation depends on yielding to the authority of Locke. In the way the series likes to link past, present, future in unravelling the overall master plot we learn that back in the USA Ben had tried to kill Penny, the daughter of Charles Widmore in revenge for the death of his own but hesitates when seeing Penny’s son, and this gives Desmond the opportunity to recover from being shot by Ben and severely beat him up, thus explaining his battered appearance when he reappears on the outer island following the second plane crash. The episode had several unexpected twists which made it the most enjoyable of the season so far.

Last night I found the episode Some Like it Hoth of little interest although it revealed that both Hurley and Miles have the capacity to communicate with the physically dead, if their bodies are close by. A second theme is the relationship between son and their fathers and the need to forgive each other of sins committed between them whether real or perceived. There are three episode to this season left

Twenty fours continues to be awful as was my choice between the two subscription DVD‘s to hand. The Virgin Territory 2008 was however decidedly worse. This one story film from the Decameron’s one hundred bawdy tales of sex, deception and religious hypocrisy alongside the era of the Black death failed to be anything it set out to be. It sat on the production shelf for three years before being issued as a DVD in the USA and had a limited showing in Europe. A few teenagers might like it if nothing better to do on a Saturday night but there are no thrills, kicks and it is not funny. I had a good sleep through most of it, fortunately. I was tempted to watch Hell in the Pacific which starts as a silent movie and continues with two characters finding themselves alone on a Pacific island in war time. Lee Marvin is the USA Marine Pilot and Toshio Mifune as the Japanese naval officer who attempts to capture each other and then. I opted for bed and went to sleep quickly.

1244 Visits

Sunday 16th December was a day where I discovered, or more had discovered for me, two treasures of a very different experience. One has lasted for over 1000 years, the other was an experience of light and sound in the grounds of another building from ancient times. Both will require research after my return home

Before I attempted to recover with a large bowl of hot tomato soup and a roll and then a good sleep, longer than anything like has been my custom, something of only a few minutes, sometime as long as half an hour but this evening of over one and half hours. Fortunately I was able to see the last episode of Cranford, having missed last week when I had planned to view the repeat. Some of the things I forecast came to pass. The return of the lost brother from India who was brought back by the soldier would be fiancée of the daughter of the former soldier now engaged with the railway. The socialist estate manager was revealed to have accumulated a vast fortune through which he fulfils two ambitions. The first is to immediately save the estate albeit on a temporary basis and ones feels there is a story to come here because it is a requirement that on the death of her ladyship the son is required to pay back to the money to the young lad he has taken a shine to, the son he never had following the early death of his wife and meanwhile one thousand pounds is to be devoted to the boy's education, less sufficient money for the boy's family.

There was one other story which completed its inevitable course namely that of the young doctor and the daughter of the vicarage following near disgrace over the misunderstanding of the valentine sent by a friends to the two younger daughters at the vicarage and a spinster woman who had set her cap at the young doctor. However the truth is discovered and the young doctor is able to save his bride from life threatening misdiagnosis.

There was time then to watch the last hour of the last Michael Parkinson some 600 shows and over 1000 guests and it was better than I expected, less sycophantic and with good humour. Another pat of my life has come to its end and the Peter Kay comment about it looked like cocoon as a treat. Now to Southwell Minster or is it Cathedral in terms of ecclesiastical status and the Ruffold Abbey Gardens.

One of my many failings is that I have not visited all the Cathedrals of England Bath, Bristol, Canterbury, Carlisle. Chester, Chichester, Durham, Ely, Exeter, Gloucester, Hereford, Lichfield, Lincoln, Norwich, Oxford, Peterborough, Ripon, Rochester, St Albans. Salisbury, Southwark, Wells, Winchester, Worcester, York, bit I knew they existed and where they are. Although I possess a copy of William Anderson and Clive Hick's the Cathedrals of England, there is one missing from the above list, one they I did not know existed or where it is located and WOW is the most of amazing of original ancient built I have encountered in my life.

I made two visits two the village this day. First I got as far as the coop supermarket in the midst of a residential area and one way system o the edge of town and after a stop for some fruit which was good, and puff pastry mince pies for later evening and the following days I retraced my route to celebrate the great speed say which tell your speed and if are below 30 add thank you and that nice touch means I will never go thirty or over through the villages and town again. And then on my second visit I was rendered spine tingling awe struck for there in the midst was one of the great spiritual architectural and historical treats this land has to offer. Durham and Beverly dominate the sky line as you approach, York is breath taking in its magnificence and Rippon also impresses and I accept that my reaction is partly from the unexpected but it is those two Norman towers at one end which immediately transport you back in time a Millennium. By good fortune the Choristers were practicing I was reminded of visits to other churches one in the South of France where an organist gave a recital while I sat in breath taking silence with the only other member of his audience and a rehearsal at the Pantheon in Rome, shared with other tourists although most appeared oblivious to the creativity unfolding. The Minster as it is know along with York and Beverley was created a Cathedral in later Victorian times with its Bishop of Nottinghamshire as well as Southwell and also functions as a Parish Bishopric.

So where is it? Between the M1 and the AIM, with Mansfield to the North West, Nottingham City to the West and Newark to the East, and up the Road Sherwood Forest Country and Ruffold Abbey.

My attention as a bone chilling coldness descended with the blackness of the evening was not the Abbey, later Country House with Mill but its ornamental gardens with sculptures, transformed for Christmas with sound and coloured light. Over Half a century before I remember the thrill of seeing the continuous blackness changed by street lighting after Victory in Europe Day. I suspect that many of the older children with their virtual reality video games and films will not have been impressed by the magic of this experience although afterwards I beat a hasty return for a large bowl of hot soup with crunchy bread as I had forgot to bring the cold defensive whisky for such an eventuality. The cold was in my bones but much hot tea during a restless night seems to have prevented a physical cold for Christmas. PS I did not take a camera as both experiences were spontaineous and natural with the record etched into my being. A camera is another day.

1243 On The Road again

Tonight I have a great room at the Blyth service station on the A1M. It is one of the better equipped I have come across, complete with a double bed, a sofa bed and a bath, with a desk level luggage top, an excellent wardrobe and storage unit which includes an alcove for the kettle, two other plugs and what looks like an internet link although as I am only staying two nights I did not bother to bring a standard connection. There is the same notice about wireless as in Croydon but my computer comes up that there is still no network available and asking if the wireless switch on the computer is on, and which I presume is an electronic type of switch which I have checked and is enabled. It's a mystery, as my favourite punk rocker would say.

Yesterday morning was a clear blue but bitterly cold sky and I made a significant decision not to go to the game with Aston Villa having become very cold the previous occasion and travelling for a good two hours there was no question of having a beat the cold whisky before or during the match, although I could have brought a wee dram with me. However travelling once more within a week I believe I have brought everything else I needed and wished to do so, although I did return up the hill from he shops remembering something, but this caused only a few minutes delay. This was just as well because I had stayed working for an hour longer than planned and realised too late that I had left insufficient time to travel in time for the start of the X Factor Final. Such is the difference the events in one year can make, that missing the final or at least part of it, did not appear to be a tragedy, yet I was still trying to fit everything I wanted to do into what ever time I have of self aware existence.

To have an existence where one is not self aware of my life as now is not the form of immortality which those who seek immortality hope for. It continues to puzzle me why people will seek such immortality because surely it means carrying forward the accumulation of pain, suffering, failures and inadequacies and various degrees of sin, together with all that beauty, happiness and love which cannot be recaptured and the loss of all those relationships with family and friends, and lovers if they are not counted also as friendships. I appreciate some believe in an after life which includes everyone and every experience which has been good and where all the negative and bad has been eliminated, the kind of division created in that great film, What Dreams may come and which also included a transitional place. I am in that transitional place where there is the mixture of all experience and where one has opportunity to alter the balance up to the last moment of self conscious awareness and therefore affect how you view the balance and hopefully have sufficient insight, learning and self discipline to achieve a state acceptable to the self and which you can communicate to others appropriately beforehand, or if as me one like to write about self, or sings or paints, or sculpts or dances or whatever, although again one has to ask of those who have recreated their great sense fo darkness, of horror, of aloneness, of hell would we their inheritors wish it had been otherwise for them. So even those who live with the sense of tragedy, failure, disappointment, their own sins or the sins of others may know something of heaven when they lose their self awareness if they have believed in the immortality of what they have been doing and what they have accomplished even if the world has rejected or what they have done is unknown and therefore unappreciated by their contemporaries.

In fact by driving fast in darkness, something I hate doing and am not good at, I arrived two minutes or so before the start of the programme and only missed the preliminaries while I moved luggage in and moved car to position for the night. As for the show itself I had and have continued to have mixed feelings about the outcome. In terms of singing ability the best came second although the winner may well become another Michael Buble, I must learn to put in the accent over the e which makes such difference as how the surname is pronounced. The winner not only carried the Scottish vote, but those of every mum in the land as it was apparent that this likeable young man was doing it for his mum. The Scottish vote has been very important recently producing one oversize winner who quickly disappeared off the British map as she had come and the McDonald brothers which Louis Walsh hated as he did Journey South although the latter still appear to be having a good career British wide. I have to question if this year's winner will make it beyond his own Christmas number 1, the Long Play and the national tour.

I have no doubt about the Welsh lad who started super confident and sickening self arrogance and quickly changed into a modest lad appreciative for what had happened to him, and it was this conversion, and his self confident presence on stage which I believe did for him, as the vote was divided on balance to the young man where it was felt winning mattered more for him and his mum and gran.

I will make a confident prediction that Rhydian (I suspect the name is incorrectly spelt, it was but now corrected) will become a performance of the stage musical in the West End and Broadway, not just of revivals such as the Phantom of the Opera where he would be brilliant as the Phantom but is something new especially by Andrew Lloyd Webber. He has also become a gifted son of Wales a land of song where Tom Jones, Harry Seacombe, the lass from Tiger Bay Dame Shirley Bassey have rightly become legends and along with Max Boyce I can say about their careers I had the good fortune to be able say "I was there." Tonight he performed a duet with a cotemporary Welsh star Katherine Jenkins who has recently broadened her conventional operatic style singing talent with the music and dance show also starring Darcy Bussell. Rhydian demonstrated that he was not out of his depths in such company. At present Leon was with Kyle Minogue (spelling again no right first time) who has transformed herself from a young chick into an adult sexy performer and where the gulf in professionalism between the two was evident but only appears to have endeared him more to the mums united. The third act who would have sold the Christmas number one without question was Same Difference, the English brother and sister act who are adored by the very young and very old and those who retain the mentality to continue to adore the good U film view of life. The prediction that they will become perennial pantomime stars by Louis Walsh is true although they could make a good Euro song entry although because of our national position within Western Europe we are unlikely to ever be successful. We need a world song content and rely on the American Vote although in the context of the Euro contest the American vote would go first to Canada and then Mexico, oir would it? Italy, Germany? I suspect Ireland would be the hot favourite to gain their support along with Italy. The Mafia IRA Holy Roman alliance? Anyway it is time to get myself up and go on an explore as well as deciding what to wear for the day? Jeans under suit as yesterday's drive. Alas I think not but take them along anyway. This was to prove and exceptionally wise decision

1240 Reflections Travelling Home

When I am home in a secure environment there is opportunity to evaluate every aspect of what I do and think in terms of my whole life and my present and future experience, but too often I am so caught up in the business of being that I lose sight of what my life has been about, what life in general is all about. It is more difficult to do this at times of stress, when the unplanned is happening or when one is wholeheartedly involved in new experience, and which will often be the situation when travelling.
What I have found over the past three years, the period when the relationship with my mother changed but the pattern of my life had a routine, a regularity, that the process of going away and then the involvement in something different from my normality, the constant need to take decisions, to make choices, to get the balance between the needs of my physical, emotional, spiritual and intellectual being with my environment, all became more intense and that at some point I see things with a greater clarity than before, to the extent that I have changed the what I had planned for the visit and that planned for the return.

This morning I awoke with a prolonged dream or to be precise series of connected dream which centred on being on the front line of some conflict and assuming a role which led me away from the front line to behind the opposing lines with a view of communicating with them about these issues about doing the right thing in the right way for the right reasons and always being aware that what one does will affect the rest of your life and those of other people, including those you are to interact with in the future.

This led on awaking to question once more what I was doing, what I hoped to achieve, what was the impact of pressing ahead with seeking the truth about what happened to my aunt five years ago to ensure that consequently we were all aware of what we did and did not do and learnt from that experience in terms of what we then do and do not, especially those who clerically, administratively, managerially, professionally and politically have responsibility, accountability for the lives of others.

For these same years, and at times before I have become preoccupied by the fact that even with the best of motives and intentions it is possible to say or not say, do or not do and adversely affect the lives of others.

We all find that we have done or said things, as children in relations to out parents, or brothers and sisters, in relation to friends and then work colleagues, and then in adult relationships and completing the circle, in relation to our children, that have very diffident effects and consequences from those which we intended, wanted and had thought about beforehand. Looking back it seems that from my teenage ages I had the ability to influence others more than most and that this increased through my former occupation and such has been my concern that for a time, I ran away from situations where the responsibility felt too great although I continue to believe that I have never run away from the accountability, however much I have wanted to at times.

One could of course carry round a sign which says do not pay any intention to what I do or say or not do or not say, but inevitability this would attract even greater interest than before. I also tried to become invisible for a time, as this seemed be the best approach in terms of the interest of others, but then individuals came knocking at my door and I knew this was not the way for me as it can be for others. It is trying to be what I was and am not that has created many of the difficulties in my life, so I may as well do what I am good at as well as it is possible whatever the changing circumstances. Such thoughts, (knocked into a better shape and sense later) occupied my mind as I failed to sleep until the dawn on Monday and the process of catching up with myself has continued ever since.

I got up at about 9.15 and decided to pack and then go out and have a cooked breakfast and make my way to St Pancras about the same time as on Sunday, arriving at the station after noon with the train departure scheduled for one pm. I went to the nearest Wetherspoon's only to find that it was occupied by some early drinkers, about a score, so I made my way to the same one as yesterday only too find that it had not opened and this took the urge away so I went in search of some toast bread. To my surprise I did not locate anywhere as most of the establishments were coffee shops or special sandwich make ups and take aways. So I settled for a special offer Danish deal, one I enjoyed on return with a cup of instant coffee and the other on the train with a second cup of coffee.

The effect was to bring forward the time of the departure from the Travel Lodge which was just as well given what then happened.

Having thought I had mastered the touch screen instant ticket buying I could not find St Pancras station, presumably because the change occurred the previous day, and even the Thameslink link threw me as it took me to a screen where there was a single price ticket at £3.80, that I had paid on the previous Thursday evening. However aware that a queue had formed behind I had difficulty in completing he transaction efficiently. It then looked that I had just missed the next train although these appeared to run every 20 minutes although confusingly trains going in the opposite direction were also calling at the same platform, also every 20 minutes with a gap of ten. However on getting to the platform the train was still showing on the board with an additional note cancelled. Apparently failed during its journey and was being taken out of service, although as it was refusing to move this was immediately difficult!

As expected the next train was packed and coupled with standing for longer than intended on a bitterly cold platform I dozed in thoughts of the previous four days, The journey is in two parts, a non stop section to London Bridge and then a series of stops through the capital. I came too, realising that the train was at a platform, saw the sign Thameslink and thought I had arrived left the train and saw another sign toward Ludgate Hill and another to St Paul's. It was the wrong station, and I might have been able to get back on before the doors close but I hesitated over the thought of being considered a twit, and the doors closed and the train left me on a deserted platform, but at least I knew by then it was only a wait for 20 minutes. So just as I settled down and looked up at the travel board another train came into the platform and stopped half way along and appeared to be going on a similar route to the one I had just left. Fortunately the driver was near me so I checked that it was going to the International, he nodded, I got on and the train moved slowly down so that it covered the second half of the platform where I had been sitting and waiting a few seconds before departing again.

One sees St Pancras International from a very different perspective when pulling a case that thinks it is a trunk, although it was evident that there were many visitors. Including a large group fo children and adults who were being entertained at the Grotto. Which was puzzling as this was Monday morning. There has also been a vast number of officials with a party which one of then controlled with a large bull horn and there appeared to be a plethora of such officials everywhere. I was still in good time so the case wanting to be a trunk provided good opportunity for frequent stops to look around and I did this when outside because it was dry, no rain, not even the lightest of spot. There is major work being done on the hotel front so my thought that the January visit would be a good time for a more leisurely look with camera appeared a good one. There was also one vacant seat near the main notice board which caused some consternation because instead of GNER the trains were being run by National Express. I had known that GNER faced competition but assumed the recent giveaways and upgrading of on line ordering was an indication that it been successful and not the opposite.

Previously , because of the search for a double free seat I would not wait by the main board or in the waiting room, but stand close to the platform entrances and work out which of the standing trains without destination boards were the most likely and try and spot the official who brought the appropriate information board which was then fitted to the platform entrance. Alas the system ahs been modernised and the boards are simultaneously automatic so I was quickly overtaken by the rush of those who had tickets which did not require seats to be booked. I settled for the booked aisle seat regretting that I had not taken the window as there was a computer/mobile phone power point. The seat was then taken and the rest of the compartment filled with one exception the two seats across the aisle remained empty and both had tickets from Kings Cross, one to Newcastle and one to York. The majority of those around me appeared to be Scottish and the train was going to Edinburgh and Glasgow. The previous train ended at Newcastle when there would have been more chance of a spare double seat.

But then with good luck the two seats across the aisle remained vacant as the train moved off, so I moved over and plugged in and then found the combination of the size of my laptop, my tum and the space between seats was such as almost impossible to use without a proper table. However I managed by sitting on the outer seat with the laptop on the other seat and correctly my notes on the previous four days. The journey was about midway when a woman of my generation joined the compartment and insisted that she had a ticket at what was table occupied by a family of four. They insisted that they had tickets for the full table but I speculated if they had three and one of the two I occupied. Anyway the solution was evident. I offered one of the two seats to the lady who was delighted at a solution which made everyone happy without calling an customer service assistant as the guards are now called. This did involved a hectic move of me, unplugging and closure of computer and sorting out of other possession which was hilarious to other passengers but less so to me. The lady and I engaged in a good conversation until my arrival in Newcastle. However this was not the end of this particular travel affair because at York another lady arrived and claimed the seat which I had placed the first lady. However the new lady was also of similar generation and amenable temperament and did not mind taking my former aisle seat so everyone was happy. What was of interest is that on the downward journey my ticket had shown Edinburgh Newcastle and Newcastle London, whereas there was no dual use indicated on the window seat that had two occupants, in the event neither who had been allocated the seat. More on the implications of this in a moment.

At Newcastle I struggled down the stairs to the Metro as the lift was full, and whereas in London my struggles were ignored a young man immediately came up and offered to assist and did another the lady behind me. It was good to be home. I was sufficiently pleased with life as to drag the case thinks it a trunk from the home station along the road past the supermarket and up the hill to where I live and enjoyed the rest of the evening making a salami and olive omelette, followed by grapes and later some toast. I unpacked, heated the house opened the post, checked emails there were fifty seven but only a few of interest. Hey I won £10 on the lottery again, one day my dream will come and then replied to some and converted some of the notes into blogs, watched some TV and some other work going to be around 1.30, but could I sleep.

Anyway later tonight I received a new email from National Express who sends me emails about their coach travel from time to time that they took over GNER on Saturday and I needed to re register to get emails…. So what I thought what about my free First Class travel? And then I learnt that their national on line ticket booking and registration system had failed. Their words not mine. However they did say they were providing free wireless and better time keeping was promised together with the existing low fare structure. We shall see not a good beginning. And worse on a different matter was to come but also news which means another mini trip before Christmas.

1239 Visiting St Pancras Station

I am tempted to give this writing heading, “I am a twit day” but in mitigation I experienced a night with little sleep. I went to see a film and failed: three times

The day got off to a good start deciding to have an English breakfast at the Wetherspoon's part of the Croydon former Alders complex (there are at least three of these pubs in the town), or has it become like Sunderland, a city without a Cathedral. At £2.50 at third of the price of that on offer at the Travel Lodge although not eat as much as you like between the hours of 8 and 11, if you are that way inclined.


On the way to check out the film times (shush) I pretended not to see the £4.50 eat as much as you like oriental buffet restaurant although as the day progressed I was to look at the increasing number of diners,four times. I successfully remedied the early indulgence by only having one round of salmon sandwich for lunch and a round of BLT in the evening but then could not resist eating both of the cream puff pastry Christmas mince turnovers, what a mouthful, one for tea and the other in the evening.

The focus event was not, shush going to the pictures, but the new St Pancras station, and guess what, who forgot to take their camera, although as the visit progressed I decided it was going to be difficult to take photographs which communicated the gothic immensity although you have to look overhead to gain an appreciation or go outside and cross the road. The writing is unusually slow having slept for an hour and then stopped every few words to watch Sportsnight 2007 which at right went head to head with the Royal Variety Performance from Liverpool. At the switch over, after missing the opening number(s) there was the two divas Kathrine Jenkins and Darcy Bussell the former Prima Ballerina. There were to funny perhaps I am seeing funny as I get older, there was Big Howard and Little Howard a projection cartoon character instead of the traditional ventriloquist puppet, trying to remember all those of childhood Archie Andrews Peter Brough and that took me several minutes, now if I was on line I would have typed in British ventriloquists (There was that man with the ostrich). Joe Church was Jose Iglesia and there was a lively number from the show of the year Hairspray but then it was time to switch back for the event of the event a tumultuous ovation for Sir Bobby Robinson recovering from the latest cancer operation and look as if he could barely make it. The only two others who came close were Mark Ramprakash Come Dancing Champion and the second time world super bike champion who played the blues on the piano which I suspect might get him a runners up. In the British public put aside contemporary antipathy and scepticism about boxing although the combination of drug taking in athletics and the failures of British teams and individual to make it this past year as winners when it mattered had their effect and the vote went for Ricky Hatton defeated in the early hours for the first time after being undisputed world champion in third place with the overall winner Paul Calzaggie ( spelling check) with would have won it should have won it Lewis Hamilton second. There was barely time to nip down for the second can of diet coke in the evening between a clever Australian creating pictures with his hands and the fist winner of I've got talent singing an emotional Nessun Dorma. Now as it long before Jimmy Tarbuck did a poem about Father's for Justice at the Crib with a former Home Secretary coming to claim his child while Joan Rivers went down like a bomb with a sick joke about Heather Mills, although a safe one in the city of Sir Paul.

It seems a long time ago since I arrived from East Croydon, with the train only stopping at couple of stations before drawing in at the wide platformed well lit first day of St Pancras cross Thames trains from Bedford to Brighton. You immediately sense not just that the station was new and there was something special about it although nothing like as spectacular as the vaulted Cathedral of Canary Wharf station. This is a functional station with much chrome which at present gives it an over all clinical feeling underground station. I am hopeless at quickly working out geographies but I believe I am correct in saying that as one emerges to the large street level concourse between the original station and it extension immediately above are the four East Midland platforms with trains from and to Nottingham, Derby, Sheffield and Leeds The area upstairs is even more functional than the rest of the station. Back to the emergence from the new cross Thames station and immediately facing are banks of screen showing the departure to all three platform areas. Here there is also an extraordinary long operating -theatre walkway to the left luggage area at £6.50 per item per 24 hour period, securely away from causing any damage to trains and track it my reckoning as well as vast but free toilets. There is also a fair size Marks and Spencer's including a clothing area and the suggestion that there will be other commercial outlets sometime in the future.

The TV programmes were deceptive because one had the impression that the station undercroft which has been turned into a shopping mall was below street level when in fact it is at street level. There are more shops opened than anticipated, a Christmas tree, a giant posting box and father Christmas Grotto and a mixture of business and sight seers, the latter being unusual for what is foremost a station. At the far end of the station before the side street exits across the road to Kings Cross or the British Library there is the second large new lower level concourse which links the four underground lines originally accessible only from Kings Cross, I assume that never having been to the old St Pancras

So where is the icon statue? It is located at the platform level from which it is necessary to take lift or stairs as a visitor. The access to the International Trains is from the undercroft which I would imagine is organised like an airport. You enter with your tickets and luggage but are you moved through into lounges (are there shops duty free out of sight before customs and allowed on to the trains. There is therefore no public access to the trains. It was not clear if those taking trains or arriving have their own access to the Champagne bar with the public having their own and limited access from the upper level. So where is the icon statue well as you approach from the East Midland end of the station it is the middle but you can only see head and his is easily missed because the hotel is hidden behind Christmas hoardings. It is only when you reach the end of the narrow top level concourse that you reach the deserted area behind the hoardings and the back of the hotel front Building that you can take in the statue from the sides and I regret to saw that it is out proportion to the space and presently in area which is only a meeting place in the sense that individuals chose to meet here for there is no other present purpose to going to this area where at one end there is an open a bar café where I was not sure if this was a permanent structure or makeshift temporary.

So far the effect is to communicate that at the undercroft (street) level and the upper platform level everything is professional with style but nothing to deserve the claim great station of Europe or the world and the use of the area between underground and platforms at London Bridge is a more imaginative use of shopping space and Canary wharf underground is where there is wow. But then everything changes when you find a spot, if you are me to sit, and look up and then it is wow wow. It is not the icon statue but the roof which makes this a place to experience as well as use for travel.

It is also the interaction between the outside and the inside which makes the building unique and special but it is still early to start awarding the kind of accolades which others have already given. There should be three test. The departure and arrival experience should be efficient but also provide a sense of adventure and something different for those making the journey for the first time. Individuals will have to use the facility several times before judgement is possible and certainly one trip will not be enough however good or bad the experience. There is the visual experience which cannot be made until everything is functioning and it is possible to measure the interaction of travellers and visitors to the space. Third is its aim to makes this a venue to stay, dine and shop. My financial circumstance are unlikely to change sufficiently for me to out this to the test, where one does not have to ask the price before deciding to partake or purchase.

Having discovered, as I thought that there was a late afternoon 4.30 and a late evening performance of An American Gangster, I decided to have my brunch, visit St Pancras, have a siesta and go to the film and then enjoy BBC Sports Personality 2007 and the Royal Command Performance. But having completed the tour and feeling OK I decided to go to docklands, which I have visited about Christmas time for the past two years and go to the cinema if there was a film which I wanted to experience without having to wait along time. I therefore went to London Bridge for the Jubilee Line and the Northern for Canary Wharf rather than Bank for the Docklands Light Railway and therefore made no effort to remember which was the DLR station for the cinema. I did not linger at Canary wharf and had intended to make my way on foot but it came on to rain heavily so I quickly cross over to the DLR station Heron Quay and instead of checking the list of stations used my sense of direction even thought the next station South Quay did not ring a bell and the one after was Crossharbour with the Dome and then the crossing over to Greenwich and Lewisham. Greenwich where I stayed in the nursing quarters for a 6 weeks when participated in the three month child care inquiry in the early 1980's held at Bexley.

The tour around the building site and existing housing, flats and hotel was instructive and energetic but quickly confirmed the error. There was a route back to Canary but I knew I had gone in the opposite direction once I checked the stations a knew it was West India Quay and that making the journey from Stratford one got off at the station before Canary Wharf. Alas the error meant that I missed the start of both films which I wanted to see, including one said to be the picture of 2007 and which was not yet showing at Croydon. I was not prepared to miss the opening few minutes of one even with a free entry voucher. So I walked back to Canary Wharf which I enjoyed although it was spitting rain and found a toilet and then a cold drink, the first of three this day. I then had difficulty finding the internal escalator from the shopping centre down to the main concourse of the underground, never has so much cost and space been devoted to a single line station. I find this aspect remarkable. By the time I reached London Bridge, East Croydon shopped for tea and lunch tomorrow at the nearby supermarket, had tea, relaxed and then changed clothes, I was a little weary but still looking forward to the film, but alas I had misread the notice and there was no later afternoon as well as early afternoon performance and that was nearly that. There shopping centre was still open Croydon preferring an 11 to 5 Sunday rather than 10-4 on Tyne and Wear side. I nearly bought a TV Times for the BBC Christmas Programme edition and could not find the paper with the headlines about a revolution for the elderly which I later learnt meant the abandonment of Social Service controlling the allocation of funds between residential and non residential care for the elderly except where an individual wished them to do this.

However I remembered that I still required an alarm clock and went from Smiths to Woolworths where they advertised a clock radio alarm for £5 but these had been sold out and then I got my sense fo direction wrong and came out onto the street instead back into the shopping centre. So entered Curry Dixon next door which I knew had one long straight route back to where I wanted to be, stopping to look at a shelf of clocks near the street entrance which I had overlooked when I went to enquire about wireless technology. At first it looked as if the store had sold out except for the display item a radio set alarm at the price of £6.99 with the next at £24 and an assistant appeared to confirm this but I looked at the stacks of boxes on the floor and a little way away I found those for the cheaper set, so my late afternoon mission was not in vain and for the way back I discovered the road underpass taking me close to the Travel Lodge entrance. By then was tired and had a good sleep freeing me for an interesting evening, which included finding that someone had dropped their lift and door entry key card which I returned to reception en route for yet more diet coke.

The train home from Kings Cross is one the same time as my next trip in January. Hopefully I will be better prepared and one gain from Canary Underground station was the availability of a free guide map for visitors around London, information of ticket, on the various tickets and prices, including the oyster card system and on the water bus service. Also at the Canary Wharf centre I picked up a free copy of their December 6th local community visitors newspaper where the Estate agents and letting insert revealed that one can but one and two bedroom flats with views from a quarter to half a million £300 to £500 a week rent or a nice three story six bedroom three bathroom ut of town house for £2.5million. The problem with Kings Cross and St Pancras is that the surrounding area is a dump and under class and underworld dump unless the top of the world environment of Docklands or the mixture that Croydon has become although shifting year by year as each new office or accommodation blocks seeks out the sky. There was also another insight into life in this part of the universe as included in the paper was a full page advertisement for gentleman's club with special offices such a buy four crates of beer and get a fifth free. However the big deal were on champagne where if sufficient quantities were purchased there was a special membership package through in for the table worth around £600. It put into perspective that the cost of each table dance was only £10 but one presumes that the performer was also rewarded with monetary gifts. Oh for shares in such an enterprise.

My evening did not end with the closure of the Royal Variety performance which Her Majesty and the Duke appeared genuinely pleased that their 60 years of marriage was recognised. The finale two acts were Kire Tiki Kanawra a favourite of the Royals for many a year and then Bon Jovi who has still a great song Its my life which I must add to Myspace and the lead singer a great voice, but really for them to lead the finale with a Beatles Anthem where was Sir Paul or others of the Mersey beat, in this year when they stole the city of European culture from Tyneside. Where was Cilla? The main presenters where Philip Schofield and my discovery Kate Thornton who started doing the midweek and other channel shows of the X actor and I write an email saying how good she was and next she was front woman and now looking at east as he co presenter of the RVS. Well talent will out but I still like to believe that my email pointing out how talented she is did the trick. Following the RVS the South Bank show was a documentary on how Katherine and Darcy came to create and perform their show the two Divas. This impressed as both were stretched way outside their previous comfort zones.

1237 Back to Boyhood Territory

That I did not go on an explore last night, even though the weather and the journey were against doing so is an indication that I am back in the old groove of work but also of putting on rather than decreasing weight and improving fitness.

I had a good night all things considered rising once between going to bed before 2am and getting up to do some work just after seven thirty The plan is to work on the writing of yesterday until about 8.30, shower, there is no bath, (I knew this when I booked the room), which is standard, with large double bed, a chair at a good desk with reasonable size TV but without remote control. There is no telephone which I never use, and designed, I believe to ensure that people do not walk off with such items given that it is a city centre, facility. I will then go and buy my ticket for tomorrow and find the train times, and also get a new travel alarm, perhaps there may also be time to find a computer shop and the RJ 45 plug. I then travel to Wallington, there could have been a bus strike, but I the train station is close to the bus station which I will need to take around 11, 10.45. I also need to get some cash if I can find the appropriate dispenser.

What happened is that I checked the trains and decided to buy from the ticket machine after 4pm, later I was too tired and cold to do so! I forgot to go in search of an alarm and although several stores were open when I returned before seven they had closed by the time I dropped off my haversack visited the loo, and eaten the remaining Ciabatta Roll. Two large stores were open until 8 in the new expanded second shopping centre in Croydon, Central on the other side of the High Street, had clocks of any kind, so on return I decided to check out my mobile phone and will have to wait until morning to see if this works. I had also forgotten to add to the mobile phone which I have used for texts rather than direct calls but nevertheless the previous addition seemed to be used up quickly but I was able to get a top at W H Smith on my way back to the Travel Lodge. The daft thing is that I had visited Smith in the morning and got a new pocket London Map and of Croydon, I suspect have the Croydon one at home. I did get some cash this morning noting the credit card payment is yet to be deducted although the on line it show in terms of the money available to spend. The morning outing was more successful than this account might indicate because in Marks and Spencer's I bought some socks, not brought and which I needed and some white handkerchiefs.

When I used my mother's flat and travelled by train the bus fare was £1. In fact it was £1 anywhere within a significant distance, if you needed the bus for one or two stops or a dozen or two. There was an old travel card, and if I was then going to the pictures in central London or making some visit I would go first to station get the Travel card, visit my mother, en make the trip into central London. To day the basic adult fare is £2. This can be significantly reduced by an oyster card or buying travel tokens but to day I was not bowered but will review in January. This reminded that next year the everywhere travel by bus free card will be introduced. I wonder what the position will be in London and if as on Tyneside there is a special card with a fee to travel on the Metro system but not on the trains, and this will mean that the special care will only apply to the London underground which does not extend to Croydon

The bus route today took me through the Roundshaw Estate, built on part of the Croydon airport site as a London overspill estate and quickly developed a reputation for poor social behaviour and poor housing. Over the past five years the estate has been regenerated and it looked good this morning with at one end what appeared to be thriving local shops. However I was later reminded that on national TV last week the estate was in the news once more because a man was found to have committed suicide outside his accommodation and inside there was the remains of a body. The journey took me past St Elphege School, the school which I attended as a boy, but on a different site. I got off at St Elphege Church and note that there is now an Italian restaurant which used to be a second hand furniture store. The garage next to the Windmill pub had disappeared and I was too lazy to cross over to read what was on the surrounding hoardings. There were similar hoardings around the several storey office block, by the bridge at Wallington station. This was also the subject of national headlines with the heavy rain which led to the flooding of the summer and which began first in London. A car had been fully immersed in the dip under the bridge.

Lunch was just outside Mitcham where until recently it was possible for over 60's to get a special two or three course mean during the day until early evening on weekdays/ Now everyone can have the meal although the price has significantly increased but for just under a tenner, I enjoyed some garlic mushrooms which a barbecue type sauce/ sour cream sauce available. A good piece of steak, with some chips and mushroom and a tomato with English Mustard and under pressure some ice cream which a chocolate sauce. The glass of red wine and coffee was extra. Arriving at 12.30 although the car park was busy the restaurant appeared deserted. There was a party of four ladies on another table. In the main area there was no one and on a side area there appeared to be a party of ten to twelve. I had brought my mother and aunt here on several occasions, sometimes with other family members. Over something liker a decade the manager had remained one person, unique in my experience. There appeared to be some urgency about taking our order which was quickly revealed as a continuous crocodile of individuals emerged from the separate bar area into the main dining area, I lost count after the first fifty and orders were quickly presented from everyone else, although it was evident that the large party had prebooked their menu as a minor army of additional staff also appeared to greet them. The Christmas season is well and truly underway and from this and other experiences and information it appears that the holding of the works, the club or activity party as well as that of the family gathering has become more common than ever before and which is yet another indication of increased general prosperity on the casino society. Or perhaps home owner freeing some of the cash from their homes rather than let it be consumed by residential care home fees. My mother had to continue to pay the assessed charge for the cost of the residential care home for the two months that she was away in hospital.

A different sign of the time is that on my second outing of the evening to try and find a travel alarm clock a police vehicle rushed a quickly as it could through the pedestrianised high street. I the visited the new shopping centre where the two major stores were still open. On my way back to the Hotel at the junction of the which takes one to the former Kennard' store, the Surrey Street Market, the Indoor Market and Reeve's corner I watched as more than twelve policemen marched one individual into a police van while a number of other officers watched on. On the local TV back at the Travel Lodge, it was disclosed that the Taser stun gun is being issued today to police who have not had specialist firearms training. Tis another sign of the times.

1238 Questions Unanswered

This has been a special day during which I looked into the mirror and studied 68 years of reflections although it was towards the end after I commenced to write up aspects of the day's experience that I found a film, alas with no name, although hopefully I will on return on Monday find this on the internet schedule. The film is the story of the attempt to uncover the identity of the highest placed Russian spy within U S counter intelligence, and where they had the individual within their grasp only to release and return him to his position as head of the Russian section until the development of computers and the ending of the cold war confirmed the original finding as the truth, although too late to prevent his escape to Russia. The search had its hero's including one eccentric completer finisher who accumulated a mass of information which he sifted time and time again, and then had moments of creative insight in which he was able to see what others with their conventional methods and approaches had missed.

At the very end, the man who had let the traitor return to duties, is confronted by the best friend of the traitor from college days when they rowed in the same boat, who did not want to believe, then did, then was pleased when first reaction appeared to have been right, although subsequently commenced to have doubts without proof, and who when the proof was obtained, was shot by the individual before escaping, asked the age old questions of was it worth it and who were the good guys, if there were good guys?

Coincidentally, the difficulty of doubting the integrity of those with whom you have shared moments of hardship and triumph, in war and peace, was demonstrated when a team of youthful hockey players, boarded at Portslade, outside of Brighton, my train to East Croydon, and Victoria, with their kit, crates of beer, sufficient for drinking competitions, and someone who just about got on the train with the Pizzas, and the rest of us learnt a great deal about their life, and how they came to lose the game. There was the banter might one expect and their collective attitude towards any female other than their mother was instructive, but to the tuned ear it was also evident they were educated, socially responsible, were engaged in work which was of value to others as well as to themselves and there was the kind of bond that you would want to have if you were facing a threat to your life and to those who you most cared about. It would be very difficult to believe that any one of them had a secret life which posed a serious threat to everything you believed in and worked for.

The work of the man in the film who distilled information over decades and who was usually right even when everyone else decided that the facts indicated something different, reminded me that until yesterday I had missed what could become the catalyst for proving that my understanding of what happened to my aunt had always been the accurate one, that she developed a secondary infection while in hospital.

Mindful that formal investigations could undertake further twists and therefore the information should be passed on to the relevant authorities and not made public, I will for now state something of the process. Five years ago I had only questions, based mainly on second hand information and some direct experience, and made a formal complaint against one body requesting two others and one individual to cooperate, although I also had cause of complaint against staff of these other bodies and the separate individual. I hoped that cooperation would reveal both the precipitating responsibility for the actual cause of the death of my aunt. I have always had the suspicion that there was some kind of meeting or investigation in which a view was formed about what had happened and that consequently everyone adjusted how they replied to me in writing and the approach they were willing to take when local resolution meetings were held. The problem with any half baked approach and the adoption of a position on only some facts and part of the story, without the benefit of the information of all those who could reveal what happened, is the tendency to stick to the original position and to have a closed mind to anything which questions the position taken.

The issue wish prompted me to pursue the matter is that I received contradictory and incompatible statements about what happened from the two key interests, one response open to different interpretations. One was effectively a non response. Not knowing or thinking there had been any get together I pressed for one enquiry and at one point soon after I was given the information that such an enquiry might be possible at a later stage. I had been prepared to consider attending the local consultation process until receiving the contradictory response. I therefore moved to the second stage of three separate investigations and received a mixed response, but was given copies of the reports of two independent medical practitioners and two independent nursing officers and some admission that some aspects merited a different or new approach. However, far from resolving conflicts and clarifying what happened the gulf between the perception of those who had been directly involved within the family and the professional and official agencies widened. It was then that I decided to accept the offer of local resolution meetings after which the original responses and investigations became even more incompatible and it was at this point I first went to the Parliamentary and Health Service Ombudsman for advice which was followed to ask those involved in the second level investigatory process to reconsider the matter which was not agreed.

I then requested the Health Ombudsman to conduct an inquiry and because of the prior process this had to be two investigations. I decided to keep to this rather than extend again to the separate process involving local government and discovered that such is the demand for investigation that there is queuing process, not doubt based on some system of priorities. And as the second year drew to a close and was facing other priorities and concerns I decided to try and end the matter by requesting some form of independent assessment that the proposals for changes were appropriate that they were implemented and that the outcomes were monitored, assessed and if necessary further changes made. The concern was for action for the benefit of everyone and to enable everyone involved to concentrate on the present and future. However here was no commitment that this would happen and indeed one of he major interests failed to even acknowledge the communication which I personally delivered to its head. Moreover I shortly learnt that my request to the Ombudsman had moved from the queue to consideration of action but it was not until the summer of 2005 that the suggest focus of the inquiries were raised, unfortunately coinciding with my moving home on my own after thirty years. It was not until a year later that I received copies of the proposed two reports in draft form, a normal procedure to enable those involved to make comments or representations on possible errors and matters of fact, perhaps on presentation but on assessment, findings, judgments and conclusions. However rather than state my concerns in generality or priority and I went through report line by line and detailed my objections and differences so that although I did not anticipate the substance would be changed I could not subsequently be accused of not having raised issues when the opportunity arose. It was not until just before Christmas 2006 that I received a copy of the two reports submitted to the Secretary of State and what they said and what they concluded left me disappointed and disillusioned about the competence of what I had believed was a major protective agency for the individual against authorities, and professional and managerial interests. I made further inquiries about the best way forward and it quickly became evident that the next stage was seek a review of the work to date. The review is undertaken by one branch of the Ombudsman service by another. I expected that it might take another year if the case which I was able to make for a review was justified and this is what has taken place, although I did not expect that during the process of the review of the investigation I would be told information which appeared to undermine the credibility of the original investigation. Then the monthly progress update stopped so I waited and then requested an explanation and was told that the matter was under consideration by senior management. Given the time, the process, it will be considered unfortunate that only now have I appreciated the significance of information which could affect the outcome. My defence is that it was only after a revelation this summer that those coming to judgement had not had direct access to the most significant factual information that the edifice previously manufactured by all those previously involved started to be seriously questioned by those with the power to do something about it. It was only when review all the information gather during the past five years in the light of this development that I realised the significance. There have been previous occasions over the five year when this has happened before, The question I have is what was it left to me to find out in this manner. There is therefore now three layers of questions to have answer. The original layer of what happened to my aunt and which of the contradictory positions is valid or otherwise. The nature and length of the investigation and reporting process and where there have been significant changes already made and were said to be in process of being made. And now there is a third layer as to the extent to which information which was known to have a direct bearing on the assessment and judgements about the matter was intentionally withheld, and if so, by whom and who else knew this was so?

This all has affected the course of my night. I arrived back at the hotel before 7pm buying a BLT baguette, which I eat with some fruit and drank tea and then coffee and then tea. Earlier I had a most enjoyable seafood platter with little pieces of a range of fish from a king prawn , two pieces of roll mop herring, two piece s of smoked salmon, a piece of bass I, some crab meat, I remember but there were others and then the great indulgence some profiteroles, and I knew I must avoid similar on the morrow.

I decided to stay in this evening and watch the X factor semi final instead of going our to the pictures and then fell asleep during the second half of the show, but looking back I am satisfied that I got the balance of the day right. This was the semi finale of the present series, a series which was indirectly responsible for the discovery of MySpace and perhaps this is explanation why until now I have note rated this year's finalists to be a strong as last year. Although I missed the second series of songs this evening I saw sufficient of them the predict the three to contest next week's final. Rhydian has a powerful voice which has tackled a range of song types and although he may not have a long recording success I predict he will become a star of West End musicals. The surprise of this year had been Leon a young Scottish lad similar in style the Michael Bubble who has grown in self confidence with each programme but whose style is not one which has appealed, there can be only one Frank Sinatra and Songs for Swinging Lovers. This was the week when he second Diva departed along with the made up girl group. I thought from the outset of the season.

I had also been looking forward to match of the day but decided to stick with the film about traitor in the CIA. This had another twist because one of the leading Russia spy master had the idea of acquiring funds in Western banks some 60 billion and amount which in the 1950's was significant. His intention was at the appropriate time to create panic on Wall Street, a second great crash which would have reverberations around the capitalist world and create the kind of hardships which would cause the workers in these countries to rise up and demand a better system. The films mentioned the Bankers who knew of the plan including someone at the Vatican bank. However when the day of the great event occurred, Wall Street was dealing in Trillions on a day and while the unloading of the Russian billions had some effect it was transitory and the plan to de-stable failed.

As the football well Newcastle at home to lowly Birmingham, and it was Birmingham's defeat at St James's in the cup which led to the departure of the previous manager. When Birmingham scored a direct route goal by a long ball and a miscalculation by the last Newcastle player, they went into the kind of early lead which stunned the crown and the humour was improved but still nervous when there was an equalizer but failure to achieve a winner. This came in the dying second. I thought I had probably missed Sunderland at Chelsea in the unlikely event it was the match of the day. It came before the end of the programme and there was to be no surprises, with the Sunderland goal mouth under siege from he commencement. However they managed to reach half time with only one goal deficit but then there was a penalty. Which looked a minor incident. However the highlight was the raising of the hand by Liam Miller into the face of an opponent who looked as if he was saying something in relation to an prior incident. It may be he was just trying to shut hi up but whatever it was crass stupidity and he merited the immediate red card and whatever punishment Keano will devise. The last thing needed is a three match ban at Christmas.

Thus is was that I started to write this late and then the letter about my sudden finding and further questions so that it was three am and was wide awake and buzzing and knew it would be a struggle to sleep, so that around 4.30 I wrote more, returned to bed at 6 am and did sleep a little but was awake at 9am and it is now 10.20, thus I have avoided the temptation of unlimited breakfast which did seem a good way of brunching at one point. So what will I do now?

1697 Listening to Dire Straits and Billie Holiday

It was one of the those prolonged waking when I remembered dreaming. I had commented to myself only the morning before that I not remembered dreaming for several days and then I was in the midst of a familiar situation, not being able to find my room in accommodation with the building changing and finding myself outside in different environments.

Dire Straits
Alchemy Live Performances
Once upon a time in the West
Expresso Love

It was also late and there was just time to check emails before going out for the morning. It was time for a Bacon Roll and Coffee at the Ship and Royal, having first bought the Daily Mirror and Daily Mail. The reason for the double purchase is that the Mirror was giving prominence to Susan Boyle after being interviewed on The NBC Today Show and getting an invitation to appear on Oprah Winfrey, and Simon predicting she will have a number one in the USA and estimates of 12 to 20 million viewing her performance on You Tube. The front page piece arose because Amada Holden was stated to be pressing Simon that the woman should not be given a make over before her next performance although in the Daily Mail she was quoted as saying Yes Please, and be taken to a secret location by one of her brothers to prepare for the next round and get away from all the media interest.

Romeo and Juliet
Love Over Gold
Private Investigations

Gordon saying sorry and goodbye to the Home secretary were also featured but the most disturbing news was that the second post mortem had found that the man who had allegedly died from a heart attack had died of abdominal injuries. Now one must ask who carried our the first post Mortem and what has happened to that individual?

Sultans of Swing
Young Lovers
Tunnel of Love
Telegraph Road
Solid Rock
Going Home

Before going for the bus to the Stadium of Light I checked the Barbers and found the assistant waiting for Custom. The business is moving to Green Street next to Lidl’s. The price has also gone up in the meantime which lead me to look elsewhere. I had only to wait for five mins for the bus. There were few seat available on my side of the stadium for Saturday and I took a seat at the back rather than in row 4 from the front. I must sort out about the last matches later.

Dire Straits
Communiqué
Down to the Waterline
Water of Love
Setting Me Up
Six Blade Knife

I had to check three bus stops at the Wheatsheaf before finding that the stop for the 35 and the E2 were on the other side of the roundabout on the Newcastle Road. I only had to wait a few minutes before the bus.

Southbound Again
Sultans of Swing
In the Gallery
Wild West End

It was after one on return and there was just time to make a stir fry just with Ginger and other spices before watching the latest episode of Ballykissangel

Lions
Once upon a Time in the West
News
Where do you think you were
Communiqué
Lady Writer
Angel of Mercy
Portobello Belle
Single Handed Sailor
Follow me Home

The post was waiting for my return with good and bad news. By coincidence I had wondered if I was going hear more about sending the vouchers and a cheque for a second set of the Daily Mail War Movie collection. It had arrived but the special storing pack was badly made so that the disks did not fit the prepared slots and when inserted after using a pair of scissors and cello tape they did not fit in to the narrow store box. However they are good value at under £10 for 15 disks: The Dam Busters, Charlotte Gray, Ice Cold in Alex, The Wooden Horse, First of the Few, Dunkirk, Angles one Five, Hell in the Pacific, Sword of Honour. The Way to the Stars, The one that got away, Millions Like Us, Sea of Sand, Those who dare and the True Glory. And the bad news. For some reason my payment of the credit card last month did not go through and therefore there was the interest and penalty charges. Drats.

During the second part of the day I concentrated on refining the arrangements for my trips away in May and June as well as ensuring I had a record of the matches being played by Sunderland and Newcastle, and Durham. There are several clashes. Newcastle’s game is on Sunday when I am the cricket although it si also likely to be shown on the televisions. Interestingly IPL multi million Indian League not taking place in South Africa because of security concerns is being shown on Setanta. All 69 matches played two a day at 11.30 and 3.30 in this 20 20 competition where Kevin Petersen and Andrew Flintoff were each auction for £1 million dollars. The competition is on Satanta and it will be interesting to see if these are also shown on the TV at Durham during the Yorkshire championship game which commences on Wednesday. Newcastle’s game with Portsmouth is on TV on the Monday and then so is Durham’s championship game at Somerset.

I shall miss Durham’s Friends Provident game against Surrey as well as he TV showing live of Newcastle and Sunderland on the same day. I am also likely to miss the Newcastle against Boro but this is not fixed. Newcastle’s home game against Fulham could be only game of season. Sunderland at Portsmouth is on TV and I have already arranged a ticket for the home game against Chelsea on the last Sunday when all games are timed at 4pm. There are three 20 20 games later in May when Riverside where I will arrange tickets. I have made preliminary enquiries about the price of the car Ferry to the Isle of Wight. There is as usual a great range of prices as low as £30 return in the middle of the night to £92 for a period return up to one month. There are three championship games at the Riverside, two back to back, which will also be highlights depending on the weather.

I then had some software problems when trying to transfer Blogs from MySpace to Google which remains to be resolved. Watched England under 18 young school men lead Scotland 2.0 on their homeland before switching to the result of American Idol where the judges used their wild card to keep in for another week the last individual voted by the public which means two exists next week! Then a long and complex all at once three hour episode of Taggart, and then Lady Day- Billy Holiday with Solitude

EAST OF THE Sun
Blue Moon
You go to my head
You turned the Tables
Easy to Love
These foolish things
I only have eyes for you
Solitude
Everything I have is yours
Love for Sale
Moonglow
Tenderly
If the Moon Turns Green
Remember
Autumn in New York
Autumn in New York rare edition.

1218 St Pancras rebuilt, Bonanno and the Gasman did not cometh

Tuesday Tuesday the gas man cometh, not. I went to bed around 1am and was up soon after 7am having set the automated BT reminder call service. I had two risings and associated dreams during the night which I cannot remember, the dreams that is or the feelings associated with them. At present this does matter because I am not having to make any decisions which affect others, but I need to constantly monitor my emotional balance and have a connection with the forces within me, even if they are buried and I do not understand the specifics.

Although I believed I had everything organised for the visit of the gas servicing man it was nine before I was satisfied that everything was in order, and it occurred that it would be good self discipline to establish such a detailed check once a month. I sat down after two slices of toast and tea, feeling more tired that on rising and was bleary eyed for the next two hours.

The planned highlight of the day was significantly better than hoped for. This was only the first of two programmes about the recreation of St Pancras station at a cost of £800 million to become Europe's premier railway destination, transporting 20000 people a day. The first programme brilliantly conveyed the tensions and conflicts between the architect designer responsible for maintaining the standards of listed 1 building, satisfying Heritage standards which is something I have learned a little about over the past two decades are exacting, together with the missionary zeal of the architect to produce a building with a quality finish which will last another 125 years, and with the commercial interests to build on budget and on time and where significant bonus payments were to be obtained. It was evident that those involved were in the big league, likely to have interest in projects such the 2012 Olympics and the new London Thames flood drainage system. Reputations made or were therefore of crucial importance.

The surprise therefore was the unexpectedly honesty of the programme, revealing four interesting and genuine personalities. The lead architect, on his own now when in the beginning he had worked with a team of 40, was in despair as short cuts were made because of costs and time scheduling, and he was left to fight the 900 responsible for getting the engineering and building work completed according to time and budget. I know a little about the problems of project control and coordination, having attended a short management course and subsequently being accountable as lead client officer for the replacement of several old buildings by purposed designed projects. These were modest buildings in terms of cost and numbers involved but they affected the lives of vulnerable individuals, young, old and disabled.

The lead architect broke down at one point, threatening to resign until talked out of out by a colleague and told to stay in to fight his corner for all his might. He was up against a formidable budget controller who interestingly was a woman who combined likeability and good communication skills with a determination which could still build an empire but on budget and on time. She explained, with great charm, that she had one of many conversations such suggesting how £25000 be saved by doing x, but then asked if this was achieved could £15000 be used on y and where she had to point out that each was a separate issue, and one felt that not only would she question hard why the £15000 was needed but also if more could be saved by doing z instead of y. It was also evident that she was able to get everyone else on her side by setting their goals with the carrot of the bonus structure which also interestingly had not been revealed to her.

The other extraordinary young woman was in overall charge of completing the under train level which is now being publicised as the feature of the station with up market shops and the longest champagne bar in the world, and which makes it different from being one other international transport centre. She came a cross as a little powerhouse of directness and honesty which I suspect would have won the Great War in half the time. The fourth individual was the man responsible for finishing the lower ceiling on time when the prefabricated panels arrived very late and then in bulk. The lass thought the architect should have been firmer saying on camera what she thought of the individual in question. She was obviously right but so was the Architect who explained that if he had been tougher the individual might have broken under the pressure and then they be!

I am a great believer that any building reflects all those involved, the commissioners, architects, engineers and every construction worker. I have yet to see the second part or the building itself which is now on my agenda for the Monday of the return journey from London in December. (I have the beginnings of an idea in that if as I now expect from a recent e mail I will receive the free first class ticket from GNER I will use not for a trip to London in the new Year but to Paris, even if this only involves one night or two stay.) But if tonight's programme is any indication the visit to the station will also be important because the building involves the recreation of the past made relevant for to day and to morrow. This is what my work is all about.
While I was cool about the non appearance of the gas man as the morning progressed I could not concentrate on the work in hand and decided to progress further my effort to beat the computer 101 times at level two chess. I have altered my approach which previously was to reset the information table until it was able to 101 games without defeat or a draw. Now I included all games played at the level so as to have a record of the nature of task undertaken. That I did not think of this approach before is another example of my slowness. By the end of the day 153 are registered since taking the decision of which 143 have been won, 10 drawn, and no loses, also showing a run of two draws in succession. The current winning streak is 32 which has lowered the percentage of drawn games from 10% at the worst point to 7%. However this tells less than half the story as not included are winning runs of 56, one in the forties, in the thirties, two in twenties and several in the tens, somewhere between two hundred and two hundred and twenty five games I estimates more than are shown. But the third level will be inclusive, although I am not sufficiently confident to predict when this will commence as I still have moments when I press ahead when tired or otherwise not concentrating, and lose to a draw, in a situation which with a fraction of extra care a negative position can be reversed.

Once I have mastered a level of play I should be able to complete 101 games and anything less than that underlines the progress that has to be in having the kind of total self control that enables some to walk through fire, chop through thick wood ro endure multi facet deprivation. While by body has reached the point when it is too old to be put such a test in a practical way, I should still be able to discipline the mind which in turn should discipline my emotional being.

I believe that only then will all aspects of my work attain the standards I seek and I need. One physical manifestation should be long term weight reduction which will only come about by eating less quantities and for the time being cutting out all comfort eating, however tempting. The test will be to spread the eating of the Christmas goodies to a little at a time although the inclination will be to wolf the lot before Christmas Day, I have taken the decision not to plan too much in advance other than to get what food I will need to avoid the madness which comes over supermarkets in the week beforehand.

The gas man did not come between the allotted time of 8am and 1pm and it was 1.15pm before I decided to find out the position. I was put through to customer services after someone checked the record and could not understand why no one had arrived. I was told that the service operative had not indicated why she had not arrived and I would be contacted again. Thus the gas man became the gas woman.

I was then told that I should not expect a visit until 2.30- 3pm of if this was not satisfactory another individual could be allocated. I had no reason to doubt what was being said to me at that time. This fitted into my wish to go to Smiths, for to-day's DVD and in order not to be unduly long I took the car as a Asda and walked from there. It was very cold and the cold gets easily into my chest and in haste I had forgotten a hat and scarf. Beginning to think of Christmas was reinforced by the arrival of two undressed Christmas Trees either side of the central mast which appeared at the junction between the two shopping roads in town and the area of night clubs bars and restaurants, I speculated that this might be an unwise location as revellers revelled the closer to Christmas. Today workmen were in the process of enclosing the lower level of the tree so it was evident my misgivings were shared by the powers that be.

I returned home knowing I was likely to need another wee dram of single malt at bedtime if there was any sign of the cold wind on chest having lingered. I continued with some work, some chess and some in tray attending, all at a leisurely pace. Around 3.45 I decided to check again and this time it was revealed that the service operative had switched off their mobile phone, so I began to question if there had been any contact earlier. I was told that my job had been pinned which meant I was the next job to be allocated, but at the time I assumed this was in relation to the previously mentioned service agent. I rang again after 5.30 assuming that as no would be coming I needed to when they would. This time I was told that the attempt had been made to arrange for someone to come but emergency calls had intervened. This was reasonable because of the cold, priority had to be given to mothers, especially with young children and the old, and then I realised of course that this included me. A new appointment had been made for between 12 and 2 tomorrow. Somehow I suspect this will be an ongoing situation although this confirms the wisdom of having done a good house make ready.

Throughout the day I had the TV on the umbrella channel for the option of then uninterrupted radio channels as the selection was good and stayed good and I was not tempted to watch a film, until the evening meal, a ham omelette with oven chips. Ok it should have been salad instead of chips but once a fortnight should be alright and it was a few chips. I will do some smoked mackerel fillets and vegetables tomorrow with perhaps an early soup and roll or two tomorrow around 11.30. I must plant bulbs for spring flower although I do not want to disturb the window boxes yet as the pink/purple flowers planted in April have continued despite the cold nights.

I did watch three TV programmes this evening. The first m over the evening meal there was another chunk of Bonanno, a two part Mafia story stretching, as they all tend to do, through illegal gambling and women, work contracts and protection, on to prohibition and into drugs and legitimate business involving friends in the police, judiciary and in politics, the codes of honour and the need for redemption as life draws to a natural close. One day I will make a point of watching the whole programme as it seems that for years I have watched half an here and hour an hour there. I was reviewing this writing with a programme about Johnny Cash in the background when I remembered to check and loo, the second of Bonanno is on in a few minutes. Time to get the evening meal underway. There are aspects of Ground Hog day today.

This reality of experience past present and future only served to underline the stretching of credulity of the current Spooks series which bravely but unsuccessfully in my judgement attempts to make each programme separate but part of an ongoing series. The writers appear to be doing everything they can to drive a wedge between Britain and America painting us as the goodies and the US as the baddies in the security services, although if this is an accurate portrayal of our present security high ups I would sack the lot for incompetence. There were two glaring examples in tonight's programme. It took sudden recognition that there must be a mole within the system to arrange a full security sweep for bugs of all kinds. Now any five year old these days, well a bit of an exaggeration, but most older children know that if you are in any kind of organisation where us may wish to know what you are going or thinking of doing, you pay to have the best sweep to establish security at regular but irregular intervals. If you are the top security organisation then you will do it continuously. The second is that you will have surveyed every reservoir system and water supply system to ensure that the controls are available to isolate if the supply becomes contaminated in any way and that trhere is an automatic detection warning system for anything which could potential harm the public. Anything less than this is criminal negligence. But then of course I go back to my own experience and starting praying that things have improved over the past two decades.

This morning was milder and the gas man cometh and all is well but after a winning streak of 45 games However I did get round to making two important communications. I need to relax a little this evening.