1.30 am 10.6.2007
I am still churned by events of yesterday.
There are various causes for this, some I can write about now, others I need to write about in private.
One cause was the published writing of a my space friend which is a great truth on its own, but of greater significance because of matters personal to me
13.30 pm 10.06,2007 That twelve more hours have been experienced is a coincidence, caused by not going to bed until 4am, rising at 10am and then being engaged until now, when there is only 15 mins before toileting and going out into the warm sunshine for the afternoon. It is controlled indiscipline and I will postpone much that I want to write about until I return.
For four years I have created a self contained cocoon of work, occasionally leaving the refuge to experience, writing for myself avoiding critical feedback, preparing for the end of self consciousness at any moment.
I did not shield myself from the present pain of others or from what I had been and what I had experienced, fragmenting at times but never to the extent of wanting to raise the white flag or abandon the task in hand, unless it was to move on to something more rewarding in furthering the creation of the whole into something better than it might otherwise have been.
Two decades ago in the unlikeliest and unexpected of environments I was helped to understand and see myself as I was, had been and could become, but chose not to pass through an offered open door and then settled for a time, after other doors did not open. I am still unable to come to judgement about the decision to knowingly step onto a trap door into the abyss, although I was able to successfully grasp a ledge with a route back towards the light, and when I emerged five years ago it was into an unknown land of chasms full of molten lava and blind alleys before finding the path I had searched for over four decades. The journey became an enjoyable end in itself that reaching the destination became secondary, especially after encountering several fellow pilgrims of similar outlook and interests. I have reached a junction and my companions are in dispute over the best route to take, with everyone going off in a different direction.
18.30. I am enjoying a glass of Italian Red Di Tasso Sicilia 2005 wine and small parcels of smoked salmon wrapped around a mixture of cream cheese with chive, red peppers, prawn and pineapple, and with one eye on the England Under 21 euro finals competitive match against the Czechoslovakians and spirits are high despite finding that when I was ready to go out this afternoon the damp cold sea mist had rolled in obliterating the sun and its warmth as witnessed by the scantily dressed sunbathers scurrying from beach and parks into the pubs and tea houses.
There were a few moments of very warm sunshine as I loaded reams of card from my suppliers. Twice a year over the previous two years reams of 250 white cards were offered at £5.99 on a 2 for one basis, less if purchased in packs of 5. Given that I have used over 600 reams so far the saving has been in excess of £1250. Because of the quantity of in store purchases I am entitled to a 5% discount on new purchases and recently received a bonus voucher for £7 which went towards the latest purchase of 24 reams on 3 for 2 basis and at a reduced price of £5 a ream This meant that whereas last year the cost would have been about £72 with the discount voucher the total this time was £72.84.
I had a self indulgent food shop beforehand. Around 3.35 this morning I snacked on tangy royal olives stuffed with pimento and almonds in olive oil, so a second bottle was purchased. I have also taken to mini sticks of Espuna Tapas and Pinchitos and bought another portion of olives with feta cheese and sun dried tomatoes, some slices of smoked salmon and a Napoli salami. The promise of summer led to the purchase of strawberries, and oh how I long for deep red cherries, but I did buy a Mateus Rosie and some ready made raspberries fruit trifles. The fresh pineapples on show were small even for the special price of 99p and then I spied a new box underneath the display and chose two about 75% larger. These indulgences require much energetic walking in the week and were not balanced by fresh broad beans which I will enjoy shelling remembering when I successfully grew them along with runner beans and peas. Lettuce, cucumber and vine ripened tomatoes completed the purchases with Eccles cakes, salted peanuts loose blush pears, small corn of the cobs and two prepared trouts. We have just missed a penalty which could have won the match
19.05 It is also time that I planned to watch some cricket. There are two kinds of cricket, competitive games with atmosphere and games where you snooze in the sunshine relaxed talking to someone about the game. 15 years ago I healed a broken soul visiting cricket grounds of my youth. A small outlay enabled days of cricket about 20 times cheaper than top class professional soccer with the bonus of being able to sit the Members' pavilions on visits to matches played at the grounds of others. Considerable preparation was essential because the local Members quizzed you about the histories of all your players and expected you to have a similar knowledge of their own.
Durham is hosting a Test match on Friday and I have no idea about the availability of tickets. I usually watch the first couple of days on TV and then judge when the last day will be and if there is going to be a good result, otherwise arrive early in the hope for a returned ticket, if there is the prospect of a good day. Usually the first day is to be avoided, full of promise, atmosphere and disappointment. My last such excursion was en route from Wilshire I journeyed across country to Birmingham in time for the start and then in the evening motored the rest of the way home.
20.45 I enjoyed the remainder of a smoked gammon joint from Sunday lunch and a compote of water melon and fresh pineapple. I will watch New Tricks and then Big Brother house until I need to sleep.
I have a continuing problem of grasping that while I feel rejuvenated after losing weight I am rapidily approaching 70. It occurred about 3am watching some of the younger members of the Big Brother House perform an amusing game that if I entered I would not like the oldest housemate Leslie, that I had entered he portal to a culturally alien dimension, feel isolated and homesick, but would be at the forefront of fun and scandalous mischief making. My complaint is that some of the younger participants are not up to it.
Damnation I missed the Falklands programme this evening. Earlier I burst into tears while driving my car. A policeman had been knifed to death earlier in the day and the news item was that the Chief Constable and her Commander had visited the man's home to break the news to his wife with a young child. I remembered the occasion when as a young child care officer I had travelled across a county to tell a father that a son had died an accidental death while in foster care. I cried with him then, I have cried since and I have cried again.
I'm going to come back to read this again. First I was swept away with thoughts of vino, cheese, salmon, prawns and pineapple. Then the olives OMG I love those very things and sea mist. *sigh*this food journey is interesting and your personal journey is fascinating.
Posted by ~ Z ~ on 05:06 - 05:21
It is important to shed tears, and it is harder to be soft than it is to be hard. You are Artman, a true artist delves deep into thought and is not afraid to show that they feel.your friend ~euphoria~
Posted by ༺ĖṴṖḪȪƦȈǠ༻ on 19:06 - 19:50
I am still churned by events of yesterday.
There are various causes for this, some I can write about now, others I need to write about in private.
One cause was the published writing of a my space friend which is a great truth on its own, but of greater significance because of matters personal to me
13.30 pm 10.06,2007 That twelve more hours have been experienced is a coincidence, caused by not going to bed until 4am, rising at 10am and then being engaged until now, when there is only 15 mins before toileting and going out into the warm sunshine for the afternoon. It is controlled indiscipline and I will postpone much that I want to write about until I return.
For four years I have created a self contained cocoon of work, occasionally leaving the refuge to experience, writing for myself avoiding critical feedback, preparing for the end of self consciousness at any moment.
I did not shield myself from the present pain of others or from what I had been and what I had experienced, fragmenting at times but never to the extent of wanting to raise the white flag or abandon the task in hand, unless it was to move on to something more rewarding in furthering the creation of the whole into something better than it might otherwise have been.
Two decades ago in the unlikeliest and unexpected of environments I was helped to understand and see myself as I was, had been and could become, but chose not to pass through an offered open door and then settled for a time, after other doors did not open. I am still unable to come to judgement about the decision to knowingly step onto a trap door into the abyss, although I was able to successfully grasp a ledge with a route back towards the light, and when I emerged five years ago it was into an unknown land of chasms full of molten lava and blind alleys before finding the path I had searched for over four decades. The journey became an enjoyable end in itself that reaching the destination became secondary, especially after encountering several fellow pilgrims of similar outlook and interests. I have reached a junction and my companions are in dispute over the best route to take, with everyone going off in a different direction.
18.30. I am enjoying a glass of Italian Red Di Tasso Sicilia 2005 wine and small parcels of smoked salmon wrapped around a mixture of cream cheese with chive, red peppers, prawn and pineapple, and with one eye on the England Under 21 euro finals competitive match against the Czechoslovakians and spirits are high despite finding that when I was ready to go out this afternoon the damp cold sea mist had rolled in obliterating the sun and its warmth as witnessed by the scantily dressed sunbathers scurrying from beach and parks into the pubs and tea houses.
There were a few moments of very warm sunshine as I loaded reams of card from my suppliers. Twice a year over the previous two years reams of 250 white cards were offered at £5.99 on a 2 for one basis, less if purchased in packs of 5. Given that I have used over 600 reams so far the saving has been in excess of £1250. Because of the quantity of in store purchases I am entitled to a 5% discount on new purchases and recently received a bonus voucher for £7 which went towards the latest purchase of 24 reams on 3 for 2 basis and at a reduced price of £5 a ream This meant that whereas last year the cost would have been about £72 with the discount voucher the total this time was £72.84.
I had a self indulgent food shop beforehand. Around 3.35 this morning I snacked on tangy royal olives stuffed with pimento and almonds in olive oil, so a second bottle was purchased. I have also taken to mini sticks of Espuna Tapas and Pinchitos and bought another portion of olives with feta cheese and sun dried tomatoes, some slices of smoked salmon and a Napoli salami. The promise of summer led to the purchase of strawberries, and oh how I long for deep red cherries, but I did buy a Mateus Rosie and some ready made raspberries fruit trifles. The fresh pineapples on show were small even for the special price of 99p and then I spied a new box underneath the display and chose two about 75% larger. These indulgences require much energetic walking in the week and were not balanced by fresh broad beans which I will enjoy shelling remembering when I successfully grew them along with runner beans and peas. Lettuce, cucumber and vine ripened tomatoes completed the purchases with Eccles cakes, salted peanuts loose blush pears, small corn of the cobs and two prepared trouts. We have just missed a penalty which could have won the match
19.05 It is also time that I planned to watch some cricket. There are two kinds of cricket, competitive games with atmosphere and games where you snooze in the sunshine relaxed talking to someone about the game. 15 years ago I healed a broken soul visiting cricket grounds of my youth. A small outlay enabled days of cricket about 20 times cheaper than top class professional soccer with the bonus of being able to sit the Members' pavilions on visits to matches played at the grounds of others. Considerable preparation was essential because the local Members quizzed you about the histories of all your players and expected you to have a similar knowledge of their own.
Durham is hosting a Test match on Friday and I have no idea about the availability of tickets. I usually watch the first couple of days on TV and then judge when the last day will be and if there is going to be a good result, otherwise arrive early in the hope for a returned ticket, if there is the prospect of a good day. Usually the first day is to be avoided, full of promise, atmosphere and disappointment. My last such excursion was en route from Wilshire I journeyed across country to Birmingham in time for the start and then in the evening motored the rest of the way home.
20.45 I enjoyed the remainder of a smoked gammon joint from Sunday lunch and a compote of water melon and fresh pineapple. I will watch New Tricks and then Big Brother house until I need to sleep.
I have a continuing problem of grasping that while I feel rejuvenated after losing weight I am rapidily approaching 70. It occurred about 3am watching some of the younger members of the Big Brother House perform an amusing game that if I entered I would not like the oldest housemate Leslie, that I had entered he portal to a culturally alien dimension, feel isolated and homesick, but would be at the forefront of fun and scandalous mischief making. My complaint is that some of the younger participants are not up to it.
Damnation I missed the Falklands programme this evening. Earlier I burst into tears while driving my car. A policeman had been knifed to death earlier in the day and the news item was that the Chief Constable and her Commander had visited the man's home to break the news to his wife with a young child. I remembered the occasion when as a young child care officer I had travelled across a county to tell a father that a son had died an accidental death while in foster care. I cried with him then, I have cried since and I have cried again.
I'm going to come back to read this again. First I was swept away with thoughts of vino, cheese, salmon, prawns and pineapple. Then the olives OMG I love those very things and sea mist. *sigh*this food journey is interesting and your personal journey is fascinating.
Posted by ~ Z ~ on 05:06 - 05:21
It is important to shed tears, and it is harder to be soft than it is to be hard. You are Artman, a true artist delves deep into thought and is not afraid to show that they feel.your friend ~euphoria~
Posted by ༺ĖṴṖḪȪƦȈǠ༻ on 19:06 - 19:50
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